"Never put anything smaller than your elbow into your ear"

Most people would relieve an ear itch with a Q-tip or their finger. My father is not most people. He is always sticking his glasses' ear piece or car keys in his ear. Many moons ago, when I was 10 or so, I remember my mom telling me that dad had to go to the hospital. Those words are terrifying to a child. Turns out he only had a paper clip stuck in his ear.
The glasses and keys were not cutting it, so he used a handy little office supply that could be bent to the perfect angle to get to those hard to reach ear itches. Who knew a paper clip was so versatile.
Now that I think of it, when I was in third grade, I had a strange rendezvous with a paper clip. I was so envious of my metal mouth friends that I straightened out a paper clip and wrapped it around my teeth. (Grass is always greener, right?) I am surprised my teacher did not call Child Welfare or something.
I digress. Where was I... My dad was in his office, with a paper clip protruding from his head. That little sucker was holing on for dear life. His only choice was to go the emergency room. Walking out of the office, he had head tilted to the side and his hand propped against his temple, trying to get past his secretary, with her none-the-wiser.
Dad, I hope there was no permanent damage, but I would say it was worth it, for this priceless story.